it is real.

probably did not know that the heart had been already numb,
had loved you,
and now after you leave the vacancy is pain
my love to you seems to be dumb
the words - i love u - just stucks in my throat
if u r not here
if u r not beside me
then there is no reason fr me to live anymore
living without u make a second feels so unable to pass
why don't you understand?
dont know where i can find u,
or how to keep u to stay.
even if you r the only thing i hav,
i can throw away everything as long as u r beside me.
in the rest of my life,
i will love u with all my heart
if is you,
if it is for you,
i will wait forever.
even if my heart are in pain for 1000 times or 10,000 times,
i still wont care
cuz u r my only love.

好像不知道心已经麻木了,有多么爱你,现在在你离开后的空位痛苦
好像爱的很愚蠢,在心里爱你的那句话常常在嘴边就梗咽了
如果没有你,如果你不在我身边,那我连生活的理由都没有了,不是吗?
没有你连一分一秒也无法度过的我,你为什么不知道?
不知道要去哪里找你,怎么样在才能抓紧你
我请求你不要离开,一定要回来啊
如果没有你,如果你不在我身边,那我连生活的理由都没有了,不是吗?
没有你连一分一秒也无法度过的我,你为什么不知道?
即使只有你,只要你在我身边,抛弃任何东西我也无所谓
我剩下的时间里,全部的爱,都用来爱你,请回来吧
如果是你,如果是为了你,到任何时候我都可以等待
即使我的心痛苦一千次一万次,也没关系,我没关系

가슴이 무뎌 몰랐나봐 얼마나 사랑했었는지 이제서야 너의 빈자리가 아파와
미련하게도 아꼈나봐 사랑한다는 그 말 하나 가슴 끝에 자꾸 걸려 목이 메여와
니가 없다면 내 곁에 없다면 더 살 이유조차 없잖아
너 없인 1분 1초도 안 되는 날 이런 날 왜 몰라
어디로 가야 널 찾을지 어떻게 해야 붙잡을지
떠나지마 부탁이야 제발 돌아와
니가 없다면 내 곁에 없다면 더 살 이유조차 없잖아
너 없인 1분 1초도 안 되는 날 이런 날 왜 넌 몰라
내 남은 시간 사랑 너에게 모두 쓸 수 있게 줄 수 있게 돌아와
난 너라면 널 위해서라면 언제까지라도 기다려
내 가슴 천번 만번 힘겹게 해도 난 괜찮아 난 괜찮아
너라면 워워워워워 너라면

just realize..

so.it is the long holiday now.
some of my friends are on the muslim thing to SA.
and the rest are in qatar.probably studying for the coming up IGs.
but this is not the point anyway.
the point is, i just realize wat i dd wrong and who i rele like.

u know as time pass by..many things changes.
ur favorite colour..ur favorite song etc.
but one thing will stay the same.
that is the person really love.
doznt matter wat happen..
the position of that special person in ur heart will never change.

sometimes..i heard people say they fall in love with the wrong person.
but wat can we do abt it? wat changes can we make?
even if u like ur best friend's bf/gf..wat change can u make?
even if u know that person love someone else..wat can u change?
even if u know u and him will never be together..wat difference can u make?
even if he is a bad bad guy..he is still special to u.
if u really change ur mind..and not love him anymore,
then i think u dont love him enough.

sometimes..it is just special thing in him that makes u love him so much.
it is just that special thing that no one else has.
and it is that special thing which causes the chemical reaction and makes ur hormones works. and increases ur adreline.

loving someone without them actually knowing it is very difficult to do.
but love is sacrifise.
if u love him, then u hav to sacrifise.
even though u know it is impossible..
even if u expect the amount of love from him in return..
we can not force things to happen.
we must let it happen...naturally

it just broke

umm..i havn blog fr soo long,,
but somehow im having this problem with my friends now.
they r not that serious,
but they r annoying me.

i hav some best friends in qatar,,
and some of them (most of them) r in school,
and the rest are out side of school.
im usually very carefull abt our relationships,
im scared to hurt them or anything..
and i always tell them stuff,
nd treat them as best as i can.

but some how , it just broke.
some of my friendship just broke.

we were fighting abt STUPID stuff that dznt even make sense.
it was so fuckin stupid.

they said so many bad things,
and told me many things that i will never imagine abt.
but it was the thing that hurt me more than anything else.

i trusted them. i told them everything.
i mean, i knew them fr 4 years,
and i was wrong.

it made me scared,
scared to lose my other friends.
i dunno wat i dd wrong.
i rele dont. y ds this hav 2 happen on me??!!!

so i had this convo with saher,,
i told her abt how scared i am right now to lose any of u.
like saher, nisa, siti, rawan and all the others.

this made me feel so weak, so little, and so useless.
it made my life hopeless.

99步的爱情

我和你背对背开始往前走，
我们说好走完一百步后再回头，
如果还能看到对方，
我们就忘掉以前所有的不快乐重新开始；
如果看不到彼此，
就继续往前走，不要再回头。
　　
当我走出第一步，
　　一种悲哀的情绪漫过心底：
　　我的爱情路只剩下九十九步了。
　　我们怎么走到了今天这一步？
　　我们曾一起在雨中漫步，
　　衣服淋湿了也不觉得冷；
　　我们在雪天里呼着热气吃冰淇淋；
　　我们曾手拉手一起看夕阳西下，
　　看落叶纷飞......
　　
我已走过二十步，你呢？
　　我好想回头看看你，
　　是否和我一样步履艰难。
　　你还记得吗？
　　我教你学电脑的时候，
　　曾跟你说过，
　　编程时会遇上一种情况叫“死循环”，
　　进去了就出不来，
　　你说你对我的爱就是死循环，
　　当时我很感动。
　　后来我知道死循环不是无药可救，
　　只要放弃整个程序，
　　退出来便可以重新进入新程序。
　　你现在是不是也想到了死循环？
　　你是否决定退出整个曾经精心营造的程序，
　　再重新开始新的程序？

我走完五十步时，有个卖烤红薯的老人，
　　问我要不要红薯。
　　我摇了摇头，他就推着车走了。
　　为何他不再多和我讲几句话？
　　那样我便可以停留一会儿，
　　不要再走下去。
　　我爱吃红薯，你是知道的。
　　所以每到天冷的时候，
　　你都会跑到校门口买个大红薯，
　　然后揣在怀里，
　　一路小跑到我住的宿舍楼下，
　　每当我下楼看见气吁吁的你时，
　　我都有一种想哭的感动。

八十步已然在我身后，
　　你是否也在想我们以前不愉快的日子？
　　我们为一点点小事争吵，
　　不知为什么，你总是对着我哭，
　　我便心乱如麻，烦躁不安。
　　然后，我们都无端说出一些互相伤害的话。
　　终于有一天你对我说：
　　“我们不能再这样下去了，
　　不然都会被折磨死，分开吧！”
　　我问你是不是不喜欢我了，
　　你说：“是因为太喜欢你了，
　　所以不能忍受你跟我在一起这样不快乐。”
　　
九十九步了。
　　我艰难地抬起沉重的脚，
　　迟迟不愿放下，我怕放下脚时，
　　回头再也看不见你；
　　我怕放下脚时，将永远失去你；
　　我怕放下脚时，从此再也没有幸福可言；
　　我怕......脚终于落下来了，
　　泪也顺颊而下，我不想回头，
　　也不愿回头，
　　我控制不住自己，痛哭起来。
　　
突然，一双手抱住了我的双肩，
　　我回过头，看到了你，
　　看到了你充满了深深自责和浓浓爱意的双眼。
　　我扑进你的怀里，哭着说：
　　“我不要再往下走了。”
　　你把我紧紧抱住，
　　轻轻抚摸着我的长发，
　　说：“其实，我一直走在你的身后，
　　一直在等你回头。

　　以后我不会再让你一个人走了”

it was a great day again.

i just read rawan and marsya's blog.

i think most of my friends knows,,
i can not pretend anything or fake anything.
like i am a quite straight forward person..i dun like to hide anything,,
so if i said sumthing that hurt any of ur feeling,, than i apologies fr it, cuz i rele dun mean it.

now i shall write abt wat happened yesterday.
and since rawan's post was a lilltle neutral..
mine should be better. lol.

the school day was ... boring.
saher and cania went to the cc thingy. (watever)
in english i told my friend wat happened between me and han, and we watched frankenstein.
it was boring and gothic.
nisa got scared in the -tissue part-.

ICT , math ,french and accounting was normal as always.

the MOST IMPORTANT part is after school.
saher went to drama club.
me, rawan, siti,nisa and cania went to music club.
nisa was awesome!!!
she played -river flows in u-
it was SO nice...i almost went crazy.
*sorry nisa if i scared u*

then we went to change to non-uniform at 13:55
becuz nisa was playing so nice we stayed longer.
me siti and rawan matched. *purple*
nisa was yellow.

then we seperated in to two cars and went to saher's house.
rawan keep saying she knows where saher's house is,
so me siti and marium trusted her,
BUT, unfortunately,and very dissappointing, we followed rawan..
and went to the wrong floor.

then we finally meet again in saher's house.
and started watching a horro movie -white noise the light-
and saher ordered pizza and prepared popcorn.
she was doin everything and missed some part of the movie.
* thanks for that *

before the movie even start..
nisa said she is scared of those -faces- in horror movie,
and this movie has FACES.
cania also struggle a bit and keeps holding my hoddie.
PLUS..cania and siti screemed in part of the movie.
it was loud.. and nisa bumped her head to my jaw bone.

after that.. we watched -prom night-
and at the beginning of the movie when everyone is concentrating,
i thot siti took my pillow, so i took siti's, but it was actually nisa.
(* sorry siti *) (nisa..-kicks-)
it wasnt scary.
but cania and nisa got excited and nervous in the end.
they were jumping on the ground with their BUTT.
it was funny.

after the 2 movies.. we went to saher's room for a chat.
it was worse than i expected in the 1st 5 minutes.
cuz everyone was shouting.
me and rawan was lying on the bed.
and i had a embarrasing move.
but i think only me rawan and saher got it.
ESPECIALLY SAHER.

but it becomes better later on.
and somehow, as our topic become sad..
i couldnt control myself.. and become the 1st person cried.
and then most of us cried afterwards.
we were afraid that we will seperate one day.
even though i know we will.. but i just dun wanna face it.

we took pictures, and nisa wrote sumthing on the board..
but she ddnt has the chance to use it.( poor nisa )

then as time gets late, we left one by one.


to think back wat happened yesteraday..
it was nice as always.
and most of us opened our heart to the rest.
and we became closer.
as i said before.. it is hard for me to -confess- to my friends, i find it very difficult to speak it out.

but i think u all understand...ryt?

a real date?

ok, so i just came bk from the party.
it is 00:24 now.
thanks god my parents are not back yet.

the party was AWESOME.
i LOVED it.

it was the FUNEST day after han left.he picked up at abt 4,and we had the party in his compound.there was abt 11 ppl.8 boys and 3 girls,i only know 5 of them.they were all very nice.except 2 of them. most of them are 17 or 18.they were very international too. there is arabs and french.


then we watched 2 horror movies
he seated beside me. hehe.
i wouldn't watch it if he wasnt beside me.
cuz it was SO SCARY. we had pizza again. and some of the guys drank beer.
we also had karaoke. it was fun.
the guys also played piano and guitar. they looked so attractive and handsome.

he was 24hrs beside me..
it felt nice. he made me feel safe.
we wnt for a walk in his compound. ONLY two of us.
we had a very detailed conversation. it made us closer definately.
he's very considerate . he said some jokes just to make the atmosphere nicer,
but it was actually a little lame.

another thing that made me happy is my friend.
she liked him before, so i was afraid if she gets angry abt me being together with him, but guess wat.. she just fell in love today. with a french guy. so i dun have to worry abt her getting angry anymore.

anyway,, after all of that..
he drived me bk just now.
it was much better than i thot.


it was sweet.

i dun know wat im doin

is now 10:52 in the night..
as u probably can see.. i am RELE bored.
i seriously dun know wat to write abt.
but i somehow just feel like writing something,
so i can record the feeling i have in this moment.

ok. this week in school was normal.
no..it wasnt .
i cried in registeration on wedseday.
becuz siti told me sumthing that MIGHT happen which i dun wanna hear abt.
part from that,,
nothing rele special happened.
oh yeah.. embarassing moment for rawan.
LOL. it was so hilarious. but her reaction was cute.

and then, today, we had a pizza party for the charity thingy..
it was VERY NICE. siti was there too. yay.
we ate pizza. [ DUH ]
becuz ppl cannot see us in lab 1 from outside,
thanks to the window..
all of us were staring outside..
and look at the guys action.
c'mon ppl, we are girls, so ....yeah
it was SO FUNNY.
but seriously, boy's life are so SIMPLE..unlike girls'
no offense, it's just the truth. lol.

after school badminton was nice too.
i wish he could come.
(u know who i am talkin abt ryt)
me and siti played for 45mins,
and had a chat for the rest 15mins.
we had a convo abt the same topic again.
(sorry siti, if i annoyed u)
but it is me :):)

yeah, that's it.
and tomro i am goin out with that person that probably all my friends hates...
anyway, i am goin out with this person and some other random ppl in friday & saturaday.

ok, and i am quiet excited and nervous abt it.
i dun know y.
hahah..i should calm down now.
i wanna go take a bubble bath.
that's it .

end.

they rele attracts me.

yesterday when i went the pearl..
there was that european guy who wears a pair earrringgggss.
and i was like "OMG, he is so hot"

so when i come back,
i was seriously thinking abt which type of guy attracts me the most,
and the conclusion is below.

first of all..
they will attracts me if they know how to play:




somehow, boys that knows how to play an instrument can rele take my breathe away,
maybe becuz i know how to play piano and little bit of drum,
all the guy friends of mine knows how to play some instrument.
H knows how to play piano and guitar;
P knows how to play guitar and D knows how to play all three of them.
anyway.. boys that play an instrument is just.. rele special,
they have that special charisma that rele attracts me.
piano is gentle and romantic; guitar is cool and passionate; drum is obsessive and powerful. so they r they key of my heart!!!

second of all..
is their wearing and appearence.
earrings,think frame glasses and hair is obviously the MOST IMPORTANT THING.



i think most of my friends knows that i am OBSESSED with guys wearing earrings.
becuz they r just so amazing, hot and sexy.
then is the think frame glasses.
but to be honest, only asain guys look nice with them.
they look very fashionable and so MY TYPE.
the last part is the hair.
i seriously dun like it when guys hair r short. it so werid and ugly. [ no offense ppl,, i mean in general ]
but in the opposite, guys with longer hair is way better.
when i say longer, i dun mean like girls hair, all the way until the ASS..
i mean like a little longer like all these asain guy celebrities.[ u know who im talking abt ryt?!]

so,,,yeah..
i got to finishi my english essay.
so..
end of the post.

sorry to everyone

as the title said..
i wanna say sorry to everyone that I hurt before.
including u.

sometimes, i might be emotional;
sometimes, i might be serious;
sometimes, i might be childish;
even sometimes, i might not care abt other ppls feeling.
if i hurt your feeling before.. rele, i dont mean it.

it is just me..
it is just the way i think and act.

maybe sometimes, my action make u misunderstand me,
like nisa wrote in her blog, i was NOT angry becuz of her,
i was just feeling guilty becuz of wat she said...
u said nothing wrong nisa.. no need to feel sorry
so if i hurt ur feeling or anything.
then i am sorry for that.

not only her,
all my other friends,
if i rele hurt u before,
pliz forgive me..
cuz i rele care all of u.

it felt like valentine's day

so yesterday when I arrived home,
wheather you believe or not..
i received a chocolate and a strawberry cake.
it might sound normal.
but it was actually very SHOCKING.

right after i stepped in the house,,
there was a bell.
my mom opened the door and asked me to come over.
so i went to the door,while my fair was flying everywhere..i looked horrible.
and i saw a delivery guy from Opera.
he was holding a HUGE wooden box of chocolate and cake with a gold cover.

IT WAS FOR ME!
i was so shocked and happy at the same time.
the happy part is becuz i received a chocalate and cake from sumone.,
but the scary part is how dd they know my house address?!!
and it was just 5 seconds after i arrived home! how can the delivery be so accurate at the time?! wat a coinsidence!!!

obviously, the thing i RELE wanna know is..
who bought all of this??!!
i am SERIOUSLY so curious!!

but anyway.. i have to thank to that person for some reason.
it was the first time i felt so sweet since xxx left,
he made me felt like valentine's day again.

they r my friend

i just read saher's blog...
and i cried twice becuz of wat she wrote.
and....she had the same comment as my ex.
EXACTLY THE SAME. I SWEAR.

so since that entry was SO NICE...
i am going to write abt my friend now.
but to be honest, they r more like my family now.
part of me.

so first..
Tina.
she is my only europe friend until now. she is 16. she is kind of moody but very real. somehow she gave me a feeling that she never lie to me. like i can trust her 100%.she is mature and childish.haha. she gave me a sense that she will be my friend forever. she make me safe somehow.weird. she has same interest as me.we have the same dream. i like to listen to her story,and she is my only friend in Qatar that has a bf. I THINK. may be others also do....-. - anyway...she is important to me. i love u!

Saher.
she is my soulmate. seriously. she understands me the most. i think. she is a perfect advisor in all topics. even the things abt love , she sounds so experienced. plus.. she is the one who understand my adultish jokes. her personality, umm..mature but most of the times LAME. she said i dont know where the key of her tressure box is, but i will try my best to find it. anyway..all those things made her precious to me. i love u.

Siti.
i sometimes see her in me. she is one of the person i can not live without. when something happen to me, she is the first one that i wanna share it with. she always listen to me when i tell her my story. as i described her to the others this thursday after school, she is so sweet and caring. i thought she was innocent too, but trust me, don't judge by the cover. she is always smiling, and this made me always happy and made her REALLY important to me. i love u.

Nisa.
she is cute. REALLY CUTE.i love her action and everything. she is floppy too. also comprehensive and made me feel i need her in my life. she can really make me think abt her when i doing my h.w./when i am in the car. like saher said, she can rele steal ur heart. she is special as well. she is the first person i c in my entire life, that covers the eyes when laughing and cover the mouth when crying. but anyway...she is valuable to me. i love u.

Rawan.
she is my only Qatari friend. i love her eyes. it's so beautiful. and her trousers. i think we hav same taste abt guys too. bag. when i first saw her, she made think she is mean, but after a period of time, when i get the chace to know her, she is REALLY NICE. and LAME too. she is soft and hard. she is rele scary when she gets angry.she is also a nice person to share secrets. i like seeing her around me. she is very special to me. i love u.

Cania.
100% weird when i first see her. even now. but i kind of feel empty when i don't see her. all those cartoony face expression and body movements made her unique to me. she looks pure and childish, but she actually know a lot of things. she can be rele serious. i don't understand her sometimes. like i can not see through her mind.she is very happy and needed. she dosen't get me and saher's adultish joke, but the innocency made me love her more. i love u.

Marsya.
a clone of cania. also cartoony and 100% innocent and neutral. she likes eating and have special laughs and her own point. she is 24 hrs online. and when ever i have somthing new, she is always online. so i tell her everything online, even though she dosen't get it. and she always get off topic. the usual way for us to end a conversation, is always 'lily, g2g, i am going to baskin-robbins.bye!!' when i talk abt love with others, she always come and ask"lily, u dun love me?" and the answer to that is obviously' i love u'.


those 7 ppl i just wrote abt, r seriously the one i can not live without.
they let me know the importance of friends. like i said before, they r part of me,
and valuable to me.

Afrina, Kerry, Marium, Eman, Farah and Amsyarul r also my friends forever.

i love all of u, and want to be with u guys forever.

it was the best day ever!

the reason y i am typing today but actually talking abt yesterday...
is becuz i was soo tired and had soo many things to think abt.

so first of all, after school me,saher,rawan,nisa and cania went to a petite resturant in west bay, BY WALKING, it was so HOT. saher and cania said it felt like IA again.
we struggled a bit abt wat to eat, then me & cania decided to eat cheese burger, nisa & saher chose rise, and rawan chose ....potato wedges ...-. - to be honest, nisa ate a lot, we were amazed!!

then cania's mom came with carisa in the car, and we r on the way to farah's house. me, rawan and cania seated in the middle row with nisa and saher at the back with all of our bags, [becuz they r the 'smallest'] we blew 12 balloons, and i made one in my entire life!!!!

we put our bag into farah's house and started our action. the first few was not bad, but horrible things starts to happen.

i was the one who holds the candy box; saher was responsible to talk [ with my help]; rawan was writting down the house numbers; nisa was holding the posters; and cania was the money keeper.

there was that one house that gaves all of us a shock. the conversation below is exactly wat happened.

saher: do u want any candy is for charity.
me: is for Ghaza.
nisa: *shows the poster*
the woman from the house: [in arabic] i'll call the police. u will be in PRISON! so go away.
all of us: ...........................................*with a scared face*

to be honest, we WERE SOOOOO SCARED!!! and after a while when we finally get over this, next thing happened. ---- siti could not find the compound.

after a few calls with siti, i decided to out of the compound to the BIG BRIDGE, which takes abt 10 minutes to walk. i ddn't care but others were a bit shocked. so me & saher went to the bridge, and waited for siti for about 1hr 15 mins. IT WAS LONG AND TERRIBLE. and of course hard to find. and as i guessed- she could not come.

we ddn't blame her AT ALL. is wasn't her fault and she tried her best. beside it IS hard to find when the map is TOTALLY wrong. the reason y i worried so much and decide to go 2 the bridge in a second, is becuz it was the first time her mom allow her to come out with us, so i rele wanted her to come, and without her we are not completed, but anyway......

then when me & saher went back to the compound with a mixed mood, afrina CAME!! we were so happy that she found the house with the wrong map!

we had a little rest in farah's house and ate some donuts. then we continued our charity events.
we thought everything will be fine now, BUT, there were a bunch of 5 or 6 years old boys keeps following us, AND stop us from doing charity. they told every one to not buy our things and etc etc.they WERE SO ANNOYING.

we still continued to finish selling all the product and went back to farah's house for a chat.

we took a lot of pictures and took videos. we talked abt our future plans, our dreams, wat kind of guys we like and our secrets. we all shared our secrets. when i said my secrets, they some how said ' we alrede know that'.

me: my secret is i still ...
all the rest: we alrede know that!!!!!
me: ........................u guys tricked me!!!

another convo was also funny when we talked abt our future.

saher: we will go to different university one day.
nisa: yeah~~~
cania: we will seperate one day.
*the atmosphere was SAD.*
me : * i putted my hand on my nose and sounds like crying*
all the rest: Lilly~~ don't cry~~~
me : i'm not crying , i hav running nose!
others: *stares* then .........*laughs*

after all this happy moments, sad moments , it was time for us to seperate... go home.
before we left, when all of us is putting on our shoes and taking our bags,i broke the last balloon and it scared all of them.

me: let's hope our friendship last forever!
rawan: unlike the balloon.

my mom picked me, saher & rawan, and dropped rawan and saher to landmark. then i went home.

after taking a shower, i just went to bed directly.
lying on my bed, i thougt abt everything we talked abt, and everything we've been through today, or even before, when we first met, from strangers to classmates to friends to best friends.

overall, like nisa said, we worked together ,we laughed, we cried, but
IT WAS THE BEST DAY EVER!!

physic is annoying me !!!!

well... i hafe a physic test tmoro...
the teacher said is mock...and it is important.

teacher:"the test is hard, but not very hard, but hard"
students:"silent....then laughs.hahah"

the 1st part was quite easy, since it is only abt multipal choise questions,
and i got an A grade which is GOOD.!!!

the one i am gonna do tmoro is the second part of the test,
which takes 80% of the total mark...
and it's commented by teacher" it is very hard"[again]
and he expect us to study 3hours per day.which is impossible.i confess.

but anyway....my brain just can't concentrate on this somehow..
or may be my brain is full alrede.!

and i somehow ended it up by watching "noona you're so pretty"MV

replay replay replay~~~~

i should start a new life now.

since i am 100% purely single now,
i should forget everything that happened in the last relationship,
and start a new life.

but somehow,
i just feel like my next relationship is coming soon;
i dont know y.
i just feel like he is somewhere there, very close,
but i dont know who it's gonna be...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i think everyone should understand me,
cuz this is my 1st time in my entire life breaking-up with some one,
so i need time,
i need some time to get the memories out of my head,
i need some time to forget him, [or them]
i need some time to relax,
i need some time to face myself.

even though i dont know how long I need,
even though i dont know i can ever forget him or not,
but there is one thing i am sure abt:
wat i did was right,
and i should start a new life..............

someday.

it ended..

well, today, finally we ended our relationships.
the guy who's family name begins with a H is not my bf anymore.
ALSO the "park" guy.
I dont wanna say their name again.
it makes me .... feel weird.
i was typing the words "let's break up" with....tears,
it wasn't a good experience, especially when u have to say it to 2 guys,
it was HORRIBLE.
but i knew it was something i had to face, something that will come one day.
and, now, guess wat?- i hav a FEVER-40.1 degree.
i know why i hav a fever, it's becuz of him.

before, i thought i dont love him anymore,
but just after we breakup, i realized i felt so EMPTY.
he said he doesn't mind that i cheated on him or anything,
but i was SO determined and COLD-HEARTED.

the reason y i finally have the courage to do that,
is becuz one of my best friend told me,
when u love someone, you would sacrifice for him,
and let him be happy.
and i can finally face my real feelings.

i break up with him, becuz i want him to be happy,
even though i break up with him,
i still love him....

when u realize some one that used to belongs to u, dosen't belongs to you anymore,
u will definately feel like crying.--> trust me!!!

i dont know y, when i type all this stuff,
my tears just came out for no reason,
and i can not stop it.

anyway,
i wish u happy,
and forgive me that i had to do so.